Merry Christmas!

Christmas around here is never predictable. And today was no exception. Our Christmas officially begins on Christmas Eve, when we start our festivities at Hub's dad's house. Emma spent most of Christmas Eve day running around saying "Tonight is Christmas Eve night....I LOVE CHRISTMAS!" I was ready - the gifts were all wrapped, the Santa gifts had been bought, the trike was assembled, we were ready to party.

Then, as Emma is saying good night to Hubs for her resting time, she asks Hubs what he's asking Santa for for Christmas. Hubs and I had already agreed not to stuff each others stockings, and if Emma asked, we'd say Santa stuffs kid stockings only. So he tells her he's not sure what he's asking for, and she reminds him that last year he asked for a bottle of wine and a wine magazine. Which was exactly what was in his stocking last year. So much for not stuffing each others stockings this year. Off I go to Target at 2:30pm on Dec. 24th to buy stocking stuffers for Hubs and for MYSELF. On the drive over, I decide if I'm stuffing my own stocking, I'm getting something good. So Santa graciously brought me a cute little shirt and new sunglasses!

We had a great time at my father in law's house, the kids had fun with their cousin, we had a tasty dinner, it was a really nice evening.

Then Grant barfed all over his new Christmas clothes and new Elmo book. And barfed again. And again.

As a result, he spent most of the night awake. Not barfing, as he'd announce each time I walked into his room (he'd shake his head no and say "bawf"), but instead probably pretty hungry.

So hungry in fact, that when he finally woke up (at 8am, poor Emma was a total trooper snuggling in bed with us while we waited for him to wake up), he had ZERO interest in his shiny new bike from Santa. Zero interest in his stocking. Zero interest in anything but eating. And eating. And eating.

Emma got some princess roller skates and a bright pink dress up dress from Santa, and proceeded to drag her roller skates all around town, and wore them for most of the day. She was also excited to see the Belle and Ariel toys you can dress up that we gave her. I have an awesome picture to prove it too.

Grant perked up after his box of Cheerios and wore out the bell on his tricycle, roared with some of his new dinosaurs, and checked out his new car garage. He read his new "How do Dinosaurs" books during his breathing treatment.

We spent the rest of the day with Hub's mom and brother, and then my parents and brother. We had a great brunch and a casual dinner. The kids are clearly well loved and cherished by their grandparents and aunts and uncles. We came home with a car full of goodies for all of us, and a heart full of love from a day full of family time.

Tomorrow morning my mom and I hit the mall for our yearly tradition of shopping together on Dec. 26. Hubs is being a trooper and I'm not expected home until little kid bedtime. Awesome.

I braved the mall on Dec. 24th

and lived to tell about it.

Actually, it wasn't bad because I went to the slow mall in town that I can't believe has enough customers to continue to stay open. But why did I go to the mall today?

Because this morning when she woke up, Emma requested we visit Santa today to make sure he remembered she wanted roller skates for Christmas. Since we hadn't yet seen Santa this year (I know, I know, I've been dealing with the mommy guilt all week), we got ourselves ready to go and headed out. Hubs, who was called into work, met us there, we waited for exactly two families to greet Santa ahead of us, then the kids marched up and chatted away. Well, Grant didn't do much chatting, but he stood there and said Hi a few times. The friendly picture taking elf snapped a few photos and we paid $110.95 for the cutest 5x7 photo ever.

Now to find a worthy holiday frame. That will have to wait until the 26th. I'm done shopping until then.

Merry Christmas!!

In what has become a yearly tradition

I'll use my blog today to wish Hubs a Happy Birthday! and to mention that Grant was at the doctor today after a looooong night of lots of coughs. He barfed twice from coughing so hard. It was pitiful. But his lungs sound clear, and his ears are fine, so we left with Mucinex and detailed directions to start amping up on the Pulmicort and Xopanex (asthma meds) and to call the Dr. back tomorrow with an update. I love my pediatrician.

Will next year make it three in a row on Grant and Dr. visits?

Emma and my shoes

All said today by Emma

"I'm going to put on your purple shoes so I'm pretty like you" (Awwww)

"When I'm a teenager my feet will be bigger and I'll steal all your shoes away from you" (um, keep dreaming on that one)

CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP "Your shoes are way more fun than my shoes, Mom."

"Look how fast I can run in mom's shoes, Dad."

And then she tripped and splat on the ground and that was the end of playing with my shoes for the evening.

I hope I never forget

- how both kids need to have their cuddle blankets spread all the way across their pillows at bedtime. No corners of the pillow showing, it must be all blanket that touches their sweet faces

-how both kids love to have their covers pulled all the way up to their chins so they can nestle down into them as they fall asleep

-how Grant hugs his blue bear so tight against him at bedtime

-Emma's determination during a scrimmage at soccer practice, and the sheer joy on her face when she scored a goal!

-how Grant will hang and hang and hang from the bar at gymnastics, until his little muscles are too tired to hold him up.

-the delight I take from watching the kids seek each other out to play together daily.

Gingerbread House

Well it was surprisingly painless. We just alternated putting candies on the house, although Grant figured out in about half a second that he could "accidently" stick his finger in the frosting while he was putting on his piece of candy. The house is pretty barren, but that's okay since we always forget to eat the house anyway.

Christmas Traditions in full swing

The kids are old enough that I'm becoming slightly militant about setting Christmas traditions they'll remember fondly for ever and ever. For example, we take the decorations out together, we decorate the house and tree together, and we listen to Christmas carols while we're doing it. Apparently Hubs and Emma hang lights together as a tradition. We'll see if Grant gets added into that next year. We open an Advent calendar, we have a countdown chalkboard, and we'll be baking some cookies soon to leave out for Santa.

And last night, we drove around to look at lights together. Grant starting signing "all done" about 10 minutes into it, and Emma started whining about 20 minutes into it. And I broke a few DMV laws trying to pull over so we could see the 100,000 blow up things on a particular lawn about 30 minutes into it. But it is a tradition we'll be sticking with, whether we had fun or not.

After resting time Emma and I are going shopping for Hubs' birthday present. It's hilarious what she chose, I'll fill you in later. Then we'll get the gingerbread house kit out and decorate it together with Grant. Another tradition that began two years ago that we'll be sticking with, no matter how torturous it is to decorate a gingerbread house with two children under the age of 5 who really only want to eat all the candy.

Wrapping Gifts

I dread wrapping Christmas gifts. In past years, it's been a challenge to get the gifts bought before Christmas, much less get them wrapped. Wrapping has always been pushed off until the last minute, a late night frenzy of tape and scissors and paper, and if I was feeling overzealous, ribbon. I always run out of tape or ribbon or gift tags with one present left. Every year. Wrapping makes me grumpy, and generally sucks the holiday spirit right out of me.

But this year has been different. I'm done wrapping the gifts in the house (there are still a few to be bought, and one to be assembled). And I actually enjoyed it. I bought the mega pack of gift tags and tape. I confirmed we have an over abundance of wrapping paper from my overpurchasing last year. And I gave up on ribbon this year. This year, the theme is simplicity. From the number of gifts we are giving to the way they are wrapped - simple.

I was smiling as I wrapped up the kid's gifts, anticipating their reactions, chuckling at what Emma might say when she notices one of her gifts is wrapped like a mint in a wrapper. I had fun buying their gifts this year, and that combined with enjoying wrapping up the gifts, makes this quite a fun holiday season!

School Visits

Today Hubs and I attended an information session for the elementary school we're hoping to send the kids to. We have to enter a lottery, and attending the information session is the first step in being eligible for the lottery.

It rocked. They follow the learning philosophies I followed while teaching preschool and special ed, they believe in meeting the kid where they are and then helping them stretch more to achieve more. The teachers teach in pods instead of to the whole class so everyone is learning at their own pace. There is incredible parent participation at each grade level. Each grade takes extra field trips and parents are encouraged to attend every field trip if they are able. There is an art teacher, each grade level still has full PE time, and many teachers that we heard from or spoke to individually sent their own children to this school and can't imagine teaching anywhere else.

The classroom walls are stuffed with the student's artwork or pictures from field trips. Most classrooms have lofts that the teachers have turned into free play areas or book corners. Each classroom was working in groups when we walked through and we didn't see a single classroom that had desks in rows. Many classrooms were full of live plants and multiple animal tanks.

All of the teachers looked excited to be there, and you could see their personalities shining through their classrooms. One teacher had a row of electric guitars along his wall because he loves the guitar and teaches the 6th graders how to play after school. A kindergarten teacher loves to sing so she had a bright yellow piano in her classroom and they do all class sing alongs. A 3rd grade teacher does yoga with her students every Thursday morning. It goes on and on.

Halfway through the tour Hubs looks over to me and says "You're going to cry if we don't get in here, aren't you?" My answer? "Yep, and I'm going to throw a pity party for a week too."

I seriously can't convey how totally awesome this school is. It alleviates ALL of my concerns about the current state of public schools while still meeting the state standards. Sending our children to this school would be setting them up to love school and to succeed for their entire education career.

It's never boring around here

Yesterday during quiet resting time, Emma calls me into her room. I open the door and she is buried under her covers. She pops her head out and says "I have to talk fast because it's pouring rain in here and I don't want to get wet" and then buries herself back under the covers. So I close the door and walk away. I hear some rustling around, and a few minutes later she opens her door to go to the bathroom. As she's walking down the hallway I see she has her winter hat on. She goes potty, then walks over to me and says "I'm wearing my winter hat because it's snowing in my room." And then walks back into her room and shuts the door.

Then this morning, as I'm cleaning out the cat's litter box (which is in the laundry room), Grants walks in, checks to see what I'm doing, opens the front loading washer, gets his bucket from inside it, closes the door, and walks away.

Let it snow!

Both kids have snow pants and warm jackets, hats and mittens, and durable shoes. All we need is some snow to go sledding in. Emma has requested snow by this weekend. I'm thinking probably not in the cards. We're shooting for late December, early January.

Advent Calendar

I've been on the lookout for an affordable Advent calendar since Emma was born. Kelly and I stumbled across these wooden ones during a late night Target roaming trip, and I feel in love with this one. Well, actually, I fell in love with them all, especially the super cute present one. But I'm trying to incorporate more of the religious side of Christmas into our December so I bought the nativity Advent calendar.

I just finished stuffing the cubbies for our Advent calendar and I have had so much fun with this little project! I spent waaaaay too much time on this yesterday during naptime. And after bedtime. And I'm still printing things out today because I forgot to make two copies of the coloring pages for Grant to scribble on. Anyway.

I decided to make our Advent calendar part Santa Christmas and part baby Jesus Christmas. So I found a child friendly birth of Jesus story and cut it up into 6 sections and stuffed it into 6 cubbies.

I also found a nativity scene made for a felt board, so I printed out a bunch of the templates and stuck a note in various cubbies saying things like "Color baby Jesus, Joseph, and Mary". After the kids color them, we'll cut them out and tape them on their bedroom door. We'll keep adding the characters until the nativity scene is complete. Then we'll also talk about who those people are since Emma is starting to ask questions about them. Each person they color is mentioned in the child friendly birth of Jesus story.

We're also doing an Advent wreath to talk about the things the candles stand for - hope, peace, love, joy (not from a church point of view, just as good human qualities). So the kids will color their wreath today since I didn't have it all together on Sunday and then a new candle every Sunday. We'll tape the candles to the wreath each Sunday, and finish the wreath off with a big white bow on the 25th to symbolize Jesus birth.

Then finally, the Santa side. More coloring pages! And also little notes in the cubbies that say things like "Write a letter to Santa and mail it to the North Pole", or on the 24th "Don't forget to leave cookies and carrots for Santa and the reindeer". I got some ideas from this blog I stumbled upon. Scroll down a bit to find the list of activities.

For the coloring pages I just did various google searches for Santa coloring pages, Christmas tree coloring pages, and reindeer coloring pages.

So the cubbies are stuffed, and I'm pretty excited! Now I just need to problem solve how to make the calendar accessible to Emma, but prevent Grant from unstuffing all the days all at once. I'll report back on that one.

Back to Life

Hubs took last week off, and it was wonderful. We had a slow moving, easy going, full of family time sort of week. Which was exactly what I needed. It was, upon reflection, the first time Hubs has taken any time off work and I've felt relaxed during that time. When the kids were younger, there was so much to do just to make the day function that him being home often threw me off. But this time, as the children are beginning to play alone and with each other, Hubs slid right into our daily routine. We alternated days sleeping in, we both had alone time, we both had friend time, we did a great job of making sure the other one got what they needed from this week off.

The kids are going through Hubs withdrawal today. We all are, actually. I'd grown accustomed to having him around all day, watching a netflix movie during nap time, running to the bathroom without fear of Grant's lunch being on the floor when I returned. The kids had grown accustomed to the constant fun, the always available rough housing, to always having a parent available to them to read books or play games.

So today we're adjusting to real life. Hubs is at work, catching up on his In box, I'm holding down the fort solo today, and the kids are wishing dinner time would get here a little quicker so they can see Hubs again.

It's all good

Today was one of those days that makes the world go round. One of those days where all your shakras are in line, where everything goes along seamlessly, where you remember what gets you through the hard days.

I got to sleep in this morning (and sadly 8:15 is sleeping in). It was girl day today, which means I get together with my mom, sister in law, and her mom, and do girl things. Last month we did crafts, this month we just chatted away in a fun eclectic coffee shop, sipping coffee from glass mugs and munching on scones. The coffee was awesome, and so was the company. I came home to resting kids and yummy Thanksgiving leftovers. We chilled as a family this afternoon, and the kids got along marvelously all afternoon. The kids and I whipped up some apple pancakes for dinner using the apples we got from the orchards, and then dipping them in the apple syrup we bought at the same time. The kitchen was warm and inviting, and I love having little hands helping in the kitchen. After dinner we snuggled on the couch, reading books, chatting, laughing. Even bedtime was a breeze since kids who play hard and eat well go right to sleep.

And now, tonight, I had a slice of my brother's pecan pie, I'm tucked under a fleece blanket next to Hubs, and we're catching up on our netflix TV shows.

Today, all is right in my little world. What a blessing.

Stop growing, I can't afford you!

When school started this year I stumbled across a sale at The Children's Place and stocked Emma up with jeans. Along with some other pants from late last spring, she had a closet full of pants.

Now, a mere 2 months later, none of her pants fit. They are too short in the leg and too tight in the waist. All of them.

I can't afford this growing up stuff.

Who had the crankies?

We participated in a local institution today - the run/ walk that raises money for the local city wide food bank. It's a huge crowded mess that is the "in" thing to do around here on Thanksgiving morning. We were talked into it by some new friends of ours, whom we never did find, and shuffled our way through downtown bright and early this morning. Emma wasn't sold on the idea of "being out in all that fog" nor was she sold on this walking stuff, especially when she realized we had no hope of winning the race. All that led to some grumpys on her part, and at one point, after much whining on her part, I looked at her and said "Have fun and be thankful while you're doing it!" with a not so cheery tone of voice.

Making Memories

Hubs took the whole week off so we've been busy making memories. That sort of makes it sound like he's dying, doesn't it? Not what I meant. We've been busy having lots of family time. That sounds better.

Anyway, yesterday we went up to the apple orchards in town. It was fun, not crowded at all, and beautiful. The trees were bright with colors, even Grant was noticing them and saying "ooooo" while looking out his window and pointing. We walked around the orchards, the kids climbed on benches, ran around the pond, kicked leaves, picked up rocks, we bought a bags of apples, and of course, pie. Hubs is too sweet, I pointed out he didn't have a plain apple pie, only fancy cherry/ apple pies, and he said "I like your apple pie best." Awwww. We're trying a new apple product this year, apple syrup. I'll report back. I got some great fall pictures of the kids too, bright leaves great sun cute kids.

Tomorrow we have a busy family day planned. A fundraiser walk for the local food bank in the morning, then a Thanksgiving feast in the afternoon. Friday we're recovering, then Saturday we may go check out the seasonal ice skating rink. That should make for some good laughs, and a good blog entry so stay tuned!

"I LOVE raking leaves Mama!"

How much longer do you think I'm going to be hearing that? I'm guessing not much longer.

Leafmania 2008 has begun and Emma has been bugging me to rake leaves since she saw our neighbor raking his last week. So today after soccer practice we headed out with our rakes. Emma has graduated from the wee rake to the medium (standard) rake, while I'm sticking with the ginormous one. She furiously raked piles, took a few breaks, picked a few flowers, wrote her name in the dirt with a stick, and then helped me put the piles in the green waste can. Man she was a work horse. She'd grab a pile of leaves, step up onto her stool and dump them in. Of course the highlight for her was getting into the trash can and stomping all around. She was giddy about it! At one point I had her covered in leaves while she was stomping away, and then later Hubs closed the lid on her while she cracked up.

I was thinking while I was raking how much I absolutely hated raking leaves when I was kid. And yet now, at a time chosen by me, in the sun, with my kid helping, it really wasn't so bad. We did the whole yard in an hour, filled both cans up to the brim, and there is probably 200x more leaves still on the trees. It's going to be a long fall around here I think.

WOO DONE!

Christmas shopping for the kids - done

Christmas shopping for Hubs - done

Christmas shopping for 3 out of the 6 people left - done!

WOOOOOO!!!!!

Now all that's left is wrapping them. Belch. Maybe I'll outsource it.

He's feeling European

When Grant kisses Hubs and me goodnight or goodbye he is insistent on kissing both cheeks.

Tidbits

Grant is trying to say some two word sentences now! YAY Grant. He busted out with "more ice" the other day, and now sometimes says "Bye Da" and one other one I can't remember right now. The speech therapist called yesterday and she's going to reassess him in January since he hasn't made a ton of progress since she saw him in August.

Emma is quite curious about all things God right now. She's asking question like "How does God see all of the world from Heaven" and "How on earth did God get Big Granny up to Heaven?" and "Why did Eve disobey God and eat the apple?". You know, nice easy basic questions like that. Sheesh.

Grant threw his leg over his crib the other day to try and get out. So now I'm faced with the decision of paying $80 for a crib tent or moving him to a big boy bed. I want to do neither.

Emma has started reading Grant books in the morning and it is the most precious thing ever. She actually volunteers to do it, and waits patiently while Grant chooses his book. Then she'll label everything he points too while she's reading. It's so great to see them getting along so well since we have bickering moments all day long. I want them to be best friends as they get older, and I know this is just one of the baby steps to get there.

I love Thursdays. It's the one day of the week we don't have anything on our schedule, so the kids get to laze around in their pj's, I have a chance to clean the house, and I've noticed everyone gets along better. Probably because I'm not stressed about getting us out of the house on time. And Thursday night is date night, which means we send the kids off to bed and enjoy an adult dinner together. I look forward to Thursdays all week!

Tuesday was a village day. You know, one of those days where it takes the whole village to raise your kids well. Grant sprinted out the doors of gymnastics and straight into the parking lot. Three moms and I went flying out the doors behind him, and without even communicating we formed a circle around him and corraled him over to me. Then later in the day a mom helped Emma get her sweatshirt on while I pulled Grant off a tall stack of chairs. Then finally, a third mom helped Emma get across the parking lot at church, in the dark, while I grabbed Grant out of the bushes. Thank goodness for the village.

It's been a year

It's my one year blogiversary today!

Mmmmmm Silence

Sweet blessed silence. With a pumpkin pie spice coffee. Hubs took the kids to gymnastics today and it's just me and the cat for the next 50 minutes.

It's been an interesting week since I last blogged. Last Wednesday, while still digesting all of the previous day's political events, I was a witness in a fatal car accident. Like I was the one who called 911, I gave a statement to the police, interviewed by a radio station, and an article was in the paper the next day. It was awful, and I'm so thankful that 1) Emma wasn't with me because it was pretty graphic and there would have been a ton of difficult questions to answer, and 2) that it was a single car accident, but only because God was watching over the brown Yukon who had miraculous reflexes and brakes. It appears that the man who was driving the car in the accident had a medical emergency which caused him to hit the gas, sending his car careening all around at a high rate of speed. It's making me anxious just thinking about it, so we're moving on.

We're moving on to the happy news that Grant started signing I Love You yesterday evening. Hubs was saying good night to him, gave him a kiss, and told him he loved him. Grant busted out with his version of I Love You. It was precious.

Also precious was the little note that Emma made at preschool for her ex-classmate Madeline. Madeline moved to a preschool closer to her house, and Emma misses her terribly. So she wrote her a little note. Well, really, Emma wrote her name and drew a picture, and the teacher wrote To: Madeline. Emma wants to put it in an envelope and mail it to her, but the snag with that is we still don't have classroom rosters so I don't have Madeline's address.

I'm kicking into full Christmas shopping mode this week, determined to not have the stressful end of December shopping frenzy that I've experienced since Emma was born. I've decided that amazon.com is my friend, and I'm buying everything that I can there. It's all about internet shopping this year. And crafts. Emma and I are doing crafts for the grandparents, and since I know there are grandparents who read this blog, that's all that will be said about that. It's a holly jolly crafty Christmas this year.

Alright, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my solitude. And to get ready for Wigglin Worship tonight, the children's sing along class we go to at church. Except I somehow find myself in charge of it tonight, the leader lost her voice. Should be interesting, singing in front of a bunch of people I kind of know. I told Hubs he better be belting out the tunes with me. He refused to agree. Stinker.

We rocked our vote

The kids and I rocked our vote this morning, and we're all sporting "I Voted" stickers to prove it. The kids were awesome, and our voting place had snacks for them! They let me vote at the handicapped table (there was plenty of room, I didn't take a seat from a handicapped person) so the kids could sit on the floor next to me instead of cramming everyone into the voting booth. They munched away, I voted, and then we were on our way.

On the agenda for after nap time - free Starbucks.

Get out and vote

and then take your ballot stub to Starbucks for a free brewed coffee. If you don't drink coffee, maybe you can talk them into a free child's hot chocolate?

Weekend Update

Trick or Treating was fun. Most people picked up that Emma was Tinkerbell, only one person figured out Grant was Peter Pan. Maybe because he wouldn't wear his hat so he looked like the 3 foot version of the Jolly Green Giant. We just did the 6 or so houses on our little block, it was drizzling, our street is scary dark, and this one idiot kept racing up and down our street. Grant tried to walk into the first 2 houses when they opened the door, then for the rest of the houses he reached his fat little hand right into the bowl and helped himself to one piece of candy. Emma spent the rest of the evening handing out candy at our house, commenting on people's costumes, and accepting compliments on her own costume. It was fun.

As for Saturday, well sitting in a football game in the driving rain is just as miserable as it sounds. The referee's blew their whistle, the game began, and the rain came down. It just sprinkled for the first quarter, and just as I was thinking it wasn't bad at all, the sky got dark and it started pouring. Big thick freezing drops of rain. And it kept on pouring until there was 4 minutes left in the game. My poncho advertised "maximum coverage", but there wasn't much it could do when the wind started blowing. When the game was over we were soaked and freezing, and shivered our way back to the car and our blessed change of clothes. Hubs cranked the heater and we just sat there soaking up the warmness and the dryness of the car. On the way home we stopped for dinner at our favorite Chinese food restaurant in that part of town and reveled in the yumminess of the restaurant. As much as I didn't love the wet football game, it was totally worth it for a date day and wonderful dinner with Hubs.

Happy Halloween!

That's Tinkerbell dressed up like Little Mermaid, and Little Mermaid dressed up like Tinkerbell. Emma's naptime creation a few days ago.


And we've got festive feet today!

Rain Rain Go Away

You are ruining my plans and it's making me cranky. First, tomorrow is Halloween, and I'm not one to go trick or treating with an umbrella. Second, Saturday Hubs and I have tickets to a college football game I've been looking forward to all season. Having not gone to a college with a football team, I love going to these. But I don't love going in the rain. And the rain will make my nachos soggy.

Emma's First Play

Emma and I and my mom (at Emma's invitation, not my suggestion at all) went to see Annie Jr. on Saturday night. The theatre company putting on the play is for children only, so all the parts were played by kids 7th grade and younger. Thus the Jr. in the title. Hubs has a friend at work whose son was in the play, and it turns out my mom has a co-worker whose daughter was in it. It's always more fun to see a play if you know one of the cast members!

It was awesome. Emma looked so grown up marching into the theater with her purse slung over her shoulder, marching down the aisle like she knew what she was doing. We had talked in advanced about the seats and the stage and the lights going down, and as soon as she was seated she was ready for things to get started. She scooted back in her seat, squealed her chair was pinching her (it was folding up because she didn't weigh enough) and then situated herself on my mom's lap. The lights went down, and Emma was ready.

She was mesmerized by the singing and dancing, by the actors marching across the stage, by their costumes.

She asked questions throughout the first half, but they were totally apporpriate questions. She was clearly trying to make sense of what she was seeing and hearing, trying to understand how the sets worked and who the characters were. At one point my mom and I had to stifle our giggles when Emma asked why all the orphans were sleeping outside. They weren't, she just hadn't figured out the set yet.

So here is it Monday night, and she still hasn't stopped talking about Annie. And Daddy Warbucks, and Sandy the dog. And she hasn't stopped singing.

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, you're only a daaaaaaaay aaaaaawaaaayyyyyyy!"

Look what I won!

I have a few blogs that I read almost daily. One of them is written by bonbon mama, and she recently had a bloggy giveaway to celebrate her one year blogging anniversary. And I won! The goodies came in the mail today and they rock:

She made all of it (well except the book, of course) - a cute little bag that she embroidered, a kleenex holder with kleenex inside, cherry magnets, and a credit card wallet with a key chain. Love it!

Check out her etsy store too - Bee Happy!

Happy Birthday Grant!

Two years ago we went from a family of three to a family of four when Grant entered the world. Neither Hubs nor I realized how badly we wanted a son until we had one! He's been our chill little bug from the beginning, easy going and simple to please. He's a mama's boy, always ready with a bear hug and smoochy kiss for his mom. He loves to run and jump, but always ends up in my lap at the end of the day.

We're having ribs and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight, the two foods Grant is guaranteed to chow down on. And Emma and I are baking an apple pie after resting time for dessert. Hubs and I got him three big ROARRRRRRS (dinosaurs) that are waiting to be wrapped up. He's going to love them!

Happy Birthday little bug, my sweet sweet boy!

First Field Trip

Emma went on her first field trip yesterday, and I had the pleasure of being a chaperone. It was so much fun, very dusty, and totally exhausting, but fun fun fun. The pumpkin patch we went to was great - the hay ride was just the right length, the corn maze was impossible to get lost in, the haystack slide was fun, and there were plenty of pumpkins to chose from. They even had flush toilets - hallejulah!

My back seat was packed with three giggling 4 year olds who chatted each other up on the way there, and swapped pumpkins on the way home. They chatted about Halloween costumes, the music they listen to in the car with THEIR moms, if they had been to a pumpkin patch before, and they shared not funny in the least jokes that had them all cracking up.

Emma had a great time, and is still talking about it. It was so great to be able to see the pumpkin patch through her eyes, while at the same time getting the opportunity to see her interact with her classmates.

And I learned that 4 year olds aren't anywhere close to being big enough to ride in boosters that buckle the child in with the seat belt. While they made it possible to fit two other children in my back seat with Emma, it is ridiculdous how UNsafe those two children were. I felt like I needed a sign attached to my car warning other cars to drive super safe around me. Sort of like when you're driving home from the hospital with your newborn and someone gets a little too close and you want to roll your window down and yell that you have a newborn in the car. Although the look of horror on my friend's face as I buckled those two children in with only the shoulder belt was pretty priceless. Her daughter is still in a Britax Marathon too.

Anyway, this is what I learned about 4 year olds. If there is dirt, they will throw it. Boys hang with boys, girls hang with girls, but if you're the only boy in the car, you'll be okay. Climbing hay bales is fun, but sitting for a class picture isn't. Other kids freak out at driving in someone elses car just like Emma would have (thus the reason I chaperoned). All 4 year olds love juice boxes and lie about having to go potty if they don't want to stop digging in dirt.

I can't wait for next years trip!

New House Guests

Nebulizer and Humidifier have made their yearly appearance in our house. More specifically, into Grant's life. Leaves falling off the trees and these house guests of ours mean it's getting cold.

So Pulmicort again (I had so much left from last year I didn't even have to turn in the prescription) twice a day for a month, and Zoponex as needed. The Dr. hinted we might have to do it all winter. That'll make for a long winter, that's for sure.

Breathing treatments are the expected nightmare, although this morning's was a bit more successful than last nights because Grant was all over holding it himself in his mouth. And he's stoked because he gets to watch TV while he's doing it.

Pockets

Grant has recently discovered his pockets. And he's obsessed. When he notices his pants have pockets, he'll spend most of his standing up time trying to shove his little hands into his pockets. When he's successful, he'll walk around to make sure everyone sees him and his hands in his pockets. And then he'll stand there, just hanging out, with his hands in his pockets.

Today, while at the park for a birthday party, he realized he could put other things in his pockets. Like "treasures" he discovers at the park.

Before we got in the car to leave, I extracted from his pockets:
two full acorns
three acorn caps
one 3" long stick
one leaf
a handful of bark

And then found one more acorn rolling around in the washing machine this evening after doing the load of laundry said pants were in.

Target Temptations

I got these at Target today. They were 30% off and I haven't bought any shoes in forever and they are super cute so I think it was justified, right?

If I was rich, I would have gotten these blue ones too. They were on clearance also!

And let's be real, I would have gotten the tan ones too.

If anyone wants to get a jump on their Christmas shopping, I wear a size 8.

My grief PSA

It seems like I'm surrounded by grieving people right now - my own family missing Granny , my friends who have lost a child or a pregnancy, friends who have lost jobs, or moved across the country.

Anyway, I'm bringing this up because a few weeks ago Emma's preschool teacher from last year stopped me and handed me a book. She told me that she had gotten this great book on grief and she had thought of me after she had read it. Now this woman was rock solid for me and for Emma when Granny died. She gave me advice on talking with Emma, loaned me books to read to Emma, she empathized with the situations since her mom had died just a few years ago and she had helped her children and grandchildren through it. Because of all of this, she has quite a special place in my hear. So she hands me the book "Tear Soup" and asks me to return it in a few days. She promises it will be wonderful, that I'll cry, but I won't be sad.

It was awesome. Hubs was gone one evening so I made some tea and had a date with the book. She was right, I cried but I wasn't sad. The book tells all about a woman who has suffered a loss in her life so she gets to work making herself some Tear Soup. She works at flavoring it just right, and then eats bowl after bowl until she fills filled up. Then she can turn to her friends and share her tear soup. It was a simple quick read, but it gave permission to grieve and to grieve for a long time. It gave permission to grieve differently than your husband or family. It gave permission to hold off friends, and then lean heavily on them. Or to lean on them from the beginning. In the back it has all sorts of resources if it is a child grieving, or if you are grieving the loss of a child, or a stillborn child, or a pregnancy. Resources for if you are grieving a suicide, or if the person you are grieving died in a violent crime.

I gave it back to her that next week, and it was so wonderful for her and I to relate to how we have moments of grief in unexpected places and times even though it has been years or months since our loss. For her it comes when she sees a reflection of her mom in her grandchildren. Or at the holidays. For me it comes when we sing a certain praise song in church, or when I open Granny's bible to the verse the sermon is on and realize it is the one I read to her the night she died. Even a funeral procession has me pulling over out of respect and because my eyes are filling with tears.

Tear Soup is never actually completed. There just reaches a time where you have it well seasoned and on a low simmer. When you just need a quick spoonful of it instead of heaping bowl after heaping bowl.

If you are grieving anything, get the book, make some special alone time for yourself, and read it.

Random thoughts from the week

I've had several things going on with the kids this week that I've wanted to blog about, mainly so I could remember them, especially since I've failed completely at filling out their baby books.

Emma is READING. Seriously, read.ing. I find myself breaking out into a smile every time it happens because I'm just so amazed and so proud of her all at the same time. Her reading is like my being pregnant - I didn't really do anything except read to her a lot and answer her questions, and poof! she starts reading. Same way I feel like as when I was pregnant - I just drank a bunch of water and ate some food and poof! this perfect little baby arrived. Incredible. I'm in such astonishment because I've had a hard time figuring out whether she had things memorized or whether she was reading. She read a few store front signs on the way to school Monday, but we drive down the same stinkin road 5 days a week to get to school/ church so I couldn't tell if it was reading or memorizing. And she busted out with the first line of The Cat in the Hat comes back the other day, and while it had been ages since we'd read that book, her memory is freakishly good. But then Monday night at dinner we opened the Conversation Starters jar I had made at MOPS and the girlfriend read her card - How will you know when you are grown-up? She needed help with 'know' and 'grown'. I just sat there beaming at her. It was awesome. She is awesome.

Grant is talking! Lately he's been saying wa-0 for water instead of signing it. He's calling people by name - nin-ney (Sydney, a high school girl who works in the nursery), Mon-ny (Maddy), Icah (Micah, a friend from church). Yesterday he kept saying "oh no" over and over and over and over after he heard Emma say it. Yesterday he told Hubs "ub ew" (love you) when he left for work. Today he touched my new shirt and said "oft" (soft). His little voice is so precious.

I had this brilliant idea to get some exercise walking around the neighborhood and give Emma some time on her big girl bike all at the same time. My reasoning was that I'd be able to walk at a good pace because her bike is so much bigger she should be able to go faster. I didn't factor in her newness on the bike and our bumpy street. We hit a rough patch going down the driveway curb at a snail's pace which led to her almost falling off her bike and Grant in the stroller 4 wheelin it onto the grass to keep him out of traffic. Once we got that worked out, we took off at a pretty good pace. Emma was smiling, having fun, lavishing in the glory of her big girl bike, I was basking in my brillance of getting a walk in and Emma getting to ride her bike. Then we came to the corner, and all went awry. She bailed going around the corner, the bike fell on her foot, hysterical screaming and crying ensued. Grant sat quietly in his stroller, looking around at the birds. Thank goodness for that calm child. I convinced her to get back on, she finally did, took a few pedals, hit a rough spot, freaked, started to fall again, I grabbed the bike with one hand, shot the stroller onto the grass with the other, heard her say "thanks for catching me mom", and then turned to see her splat off the bike while I still held onto it. Good times. Again I got her on the bike, with much convincing, and had her ride in the middle of the road, which was considerably smoother. We did great for the rest of the (slow) walk, until we were almost to our house and our neighbor called my name. Emma turned her head, thus turning her handle bars, and plowed right onto their yard, and, you guessed it, tumbled off. At least onto the grass this time. She walked the last few houses home.

Grant has this hilarious way of getting around now that he's started jumping with his feet off the ground. He sort of jumps skips his way around - down the hallway, through the school parking lot, into Emma's classroom, you know, wherever he's going. He does it holding my hand, he does it without holding my hand, it's his general form of transportation now.

Ouch!

steroid inhaler + huge cup of coffee = mascara wand in my eye from jittery hands

Conversations with Emma & Hubs

While Emma is crying over nothing this afternoon.....

Emma: I'm crying because I'm thinking about my shark dream.
Hubs: Oh, was it a scary dream?
Emma: Yes, that's why I'm crying twice.
Hubs: Was it like the shark chasing Ariel in The Little Mermaid?
Emma: Yes, it was.
Hubs: You realize that the shark in the movie wasn't real? That it can't really get you? That's all pretend.
Emma: Why is real Ariel in a pretend story then?

It was clear as day

It's the thing that every parent dreads. They know it is coming, they know it can't be avoided, they know every kid does it, but that doesn't make it any easier. They read about it in the baby books, hear about it from their friends, they anticipate it and when it will rear it's ugly head in their child's life.

As it gets closer and closer every parent starts to wonder how long it will stay around, will it be forceful or timid at first? Will I know it happened or will I just wonder if that's what just occurred? Will I laugh or frown when it happens? It might even be worse with the second child because they have already lived through it once before and know the force it has.

It's a small thing, but it can bring huge drama, huge frustration, creative bargaining you never knew you had in you. It can bring you to your knees in the middle of Target, this small but powerful thing.

What is it?

"No". Uttered appropriately and as clear as day.

Name That Tune

This is what I woke up to this morning:

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collections complete?
Looking around here you think sure she's got everything.
I've got gadgets and gizmos a plenty, I've got whosits and whatsits galore,
You want thingamabobs? I got 20.
But who caaaaaaaaares, no big deeeeeeeeeal,
I want MORE!

I want to be where the people are, I want to see, want to see them dancing,
strolling along down those, what'sthatwordagain? STREEEEEEET

Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they play all day in the suuuuuun.
Wondering free, wish I could be, part of that woooooooooorld.

Flippin your fin you don't too far, legs are required for jumping dancing,
Walking around on those, what'sthatwordagain? FEEEEEET

Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they play all day in the suuuuuun.
Wondering free, wish I could be, part of that woooooooooorld.

Conversations with Emma

But first, some background. We are sort of redoing Emma's room, piece by piece. So this weekend we took down the horrible wooden slat closet doors and hung bright pink polka dot curtains (Hubs about died when we saw them. They were clearly Emma's pick, I was lobbying for the teal sheer ones.) We also bought some flower and butterfly decals to decorate her main bare wall.

Emma: I don't ever want to take these flowers off.
Me: We'll decide as you get older.
Emma: Even when I'm an adult and sleeping in this room I still want the flowers up.
Me: Hm.

But what I didn't say was - Girlfriend, you better not still be sleeping here when you're an adult. Your lease runs out when you leave for college.

Forgot to add

I forgot to add how much I adore switching from my summer purse to my favorite fall purse. Which I just did. While sipping my delicious pumpkin pie spice coffee.

Look for this post all over again in the spring when I'm totally over the cold weather and eagerly anticipating sunny warm spring days.

Fall favorites

It rained last night and I wore long sleeves most of the day yesterday so I'm deeming it fall.

I love fall. I love the crisp mornings and cool evenings. I love the break from the hot hot summer, the ability to take a walk in the afternoon without sweating buckets, and being able to take the kids outside in the afternoon. I love the color changes - the bright reds and yellows and crispy browns of the leaves in our neighborhood.

I love trips to the pumpkin patch, scarecrow decorations, carving pumpkins with the kids. I love roasting pumpkin seeds and deciding on Halloween costumes. I love pumpkin spice muffins (something I learned when I was pregnant with Grant), and this year I learned I love pumpkin pie spice cream in my coffee. Even Emma loves how my coffee smells with the fancy cream.

I love lounging in my pajama pants without getting too hot. I love re-falling in love with my favorite jeans, my favorite closed toe shoes, my favorite long sleeved shirt. I love sliding my feet into my slippers for the first time each fall.

I'm already anticipating sipping my coffee in the morning while hanging out in my super soft lounge pants. Wonderful fallness.

Translator needed

When Emma was a new talker, my friends and I joked about how they always needed their "Emma to English" dictionary. Aka me.

Well now that Grant is finally starting to kind of talk, I find I'm needing a "Grant to English" dictionary. Aka Emma.

The funny thing about all of that is that I have clear memories of doing the same thing for my brother. Those lucky boys, having such a doting big sister! And I'm totally sure that "lucky" is the word my brother would use to describe himself. Or that "doting" will be the word Grant uses to describe Emma. "Overbearing" is probably a better word for Grant to use.

It's the Sahara in here

Sand, not heat. Although it is hot today.

It seems like every 3rd step I take is into a layer of sand. It's everywhere and I keep vacuuming and vacuuming and sweeping and sweeping. It's a sure sign Emma is in preschool and she's having a good time outside. It's in her shoes, her socks, her hair, the cuffs of her capris. My car, her bed, outside, inside. Everywhere.

There's a little glitter mixed in too since my mother in law introduced dollar store fairy wings to the household last week. Apparently dollar store wings are decorated with glitter held on by dollar store glue, which is a fancy way to say the glitter doesn't stay on the wings at all. You just look at the wings and glitter falls off. Add into that Grant rubbing the wings on his head, then holding them as he ran through the house, Emma wearing them and leaning against the couch, and you have glitter embedded into the sofa, embedded into Grant's hair, and a trail of glitter on the floor wherever Grant ran with them. We are still finding glitter on our faces and clothes, and the wings have been taking a break in a high place for 4 days now. Hubs still has certain parts of the couch he won't sit on because of the glitter explosion.

Good times.

Mama bank account deposit

Our first MOPS meeting was today and it rocked. It's been 6 months of hard work and two weeks of intense stress for several of us on the steering team, much like fall sorority rush for those of you who have been through it. It all came together today, and when the meeting was over I found myself standing there smiling. I met some great women at my table, I learned something new about my sister in law, I got lots of snuggle from my little niece, and I managed not to make the craft project a total debacle. I'm really looking forward to getting to know my discussion group leaders better as we work together as a team, I'm really looking forward to getting to know my tablemates better as we share a table for the next 10 weeks, and I'm really really really looking forward to my weekly deposit into my mama bank account. I felt filled up after the meeting, and ready face the craziness of the week.

The MOPS slogan is "Better moms make a better world" and after today I totally agree.

This is my coping strategy

We bank (banked?) with Washington Mutual.

Happy Birthday Emma!

Four years ago Emma rocked our world with her dramatic entrance 3 weeks early and she's kept us on our toes ever since! What a blessing to be mothering such a vivacious girl with a personality and imagination that never ceases to amaze me. I can't wait to see what the next year brings us because I've been seeing little glimpses these last few weeks. From asking all of her teachers to call her Tinkerbell (including labeling her art Tinkerbell instead of Emma) to reading site words and sounding out other words, to being the most helpful older sister any little brother could ask for, it's been so much fun to watch the 4 year old Emma start to appear.

For tonight, we've started a tradition both Hubs and I had in our family of the birthday kid picking dinner for the night. Emma's chosen grilled pizza and she'll be dining on the Celebrate plate I got last year for special occasions. I baked a cake last night and I need to cut it into individual stars and frost them. Hubs is getting her birthday bike from his mom's on his way home from work and I need to wrap up the Disney Princess placemat and Little Mermaid placemat I got at the dollar store. Emma's already gotten two phone calls and two cards in the mail and was over the moon excited about both of them. She got a pink crown with her name in gold glitter at preschool and we brought muffins for snack time.

It's been quite a delightful 4th birthday I'd say.

My Buddies

I'm trying to make an effort to hang with each kid individually more often. They are both so energetic, and dare I say demanding, when we go out that I'm doing crowd control and herding cats most of the time. I feel like I don't have many opportunities to hang with just one kid for any length of time and hear just their little voice, or follow a conversation without interrupting to say something to the other, or just see the world through just their little eyes.

Now that Emma is in school three days a week, Grant and I have all kinds of buddy time. He's a pretty funny guy. And obsessed with airplanes. He can hear them in the sky when they are just a faint buzz, and he'll track them in the sky until they are gone. He loves to carry our reusable grocery bags on his shoulder as we walk through the parking lot. He sings while he sits in the shopping cart. He's getting really good at digging sand and getting it into buckets. He can hold on tight and swing on the big kid swings, although he prefers the little kids swings because he can swing higher.

Carving out alone time with Emma is trickier. I've shortened her resting time and we spend the time until Grant wakes up either reading or playing games. She's reading now. I mean noticing sight words and sounding out other words. She's getting awesome at Memory too. We play with three stacks now (36 cards) instead of 2 stacks (24) and she holds her own. We went to her preschool visit day alone on Monday and it was so awesome to be able to sit with her while she painted and moved around the room, meeting new friends. It was wonderful to be able to catch her eye across the room and share a smile. After her visit, we went and got our hair cut together, and again, it was so nice to be able to have shared, calm time. She's sooooo much calmer when we're out and she has my undivided attention.

The buddy time with each kid has been really settling for my heart. It has strengthened the bonds between each of us, and I need to keep doing this to help maintain those bonds and keep my kid time bank account full.

Emma's Nursery Rhyme Day

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good,
She was very very good.
But when she was bad,
She was horrid.

That pretty much sums up our morning. She was either fire on wheels, attitude seeping from her pores, listening ears buried under her bed, ugly voice coming from her throat or she was total sweetness, offering to help Grant with his buckles in his booster chair, pushing him on the swing, quietly sitting at the park munching apples. No warning when the drama would appear, and no indication it was ending. She could turn it on and off in a second.

I know it's because she's back at school and having to adjust to getting ready and going in the morning after a fairly lazy summer. She's working hard at making new friends, learning a new classroom routing, figuring out her teachers. Hub's has been working hard lately so hasn't been home as much, fall activities are getting started again, alot is changing from our summer time routines.

I know all that but that doesn't make nursery rhyme days any easier.

Oh great

So I cleaned off the kitchen counter this weekend. I mean REALLY cleaned it off. Cleanest it's been in a long time. It was partially because of the continuing ant drama, and partially because we were having people from Hub's work over and he didn't want the "clutter" out. So off the counter went my notepads and stickie notes, my calendar, my corresponding colored pens for my calendar and various things (or "clutter). And by cleaning I mean I stuck some things in the laundry room, some things got "filed" in various drawers and my huge desk calendar is laying on top of my shoes in my closet.

Now the ants are finally, probably gone, and Hub's friends are gone, and I can't find a thing. My calendar hasn't made it back out onto the counter so I'm floundering and hoping I'm not missing something crucial. My RSVP list for Emma's party is buried in some drawer somewhere, and people are RSVPing. My orange pen doesn't work anymore, I'm scrawling things on random scraps of paper with Emma's pencils. It's stressing me out.

This is why I don't clean off counters regularly. I'm chaotically organized, and without the counter chaos I'm hopelessly disorganized.

Living in a salad bowl

I read earlier this morning that vinegar is a good ant deterrent. And I also read that vinegar is a good economical, all natural cleaner.

So I combined the two ideas, mopped (for the third time in 24 hours) all the ants on the dining room floor with vinegar and water, and then marched outside and sprayed all the ant trails around the dining room.

And now my house smells like Italian salad dressing.

I'm not sure how much longer I'll be here

The ants appear to be taking over the house, room by room. It may not be much longer before the take over the living room and carry the computer out with them.

It's still bothering me

So Monday night I created the opportunity to go grocery shopping by myself. Sweet, blissful, aloneness. Well as alone as one can be in a major grocery store. I rejoiced in pushing a regular cart, in lingering to make decisions, in not having to negotiate a flavor of pudding away from pistachio or lemon.

Anyhow, as I was pushing my cart to the car I was approached by a clean, regularly dressed woman who looked tired. She apologized for bothering me, explained she and her children, who were waiting in the car, were trying to get to a small town nearby (she told me the name of it) to a woman's shelter, and did I have anything that I could give her to help out.

I stood there, with my grocery cart full of food, next to my nice car, with my purse with a wallet with a few bucks in it, and told her no.

She thanked me for my time, and walked off into the parking lot. With a heavy heart, I loaded my car and drove home, praying that if she was for real and in need, that God would bless her with what she needed.

It's still bothering me.

This is why I don't mop

So I mopped the tile for the first time today in....well I had to clean cobwebs out of the bucket first, so it's been a while. Anyway, I mop away, I feel great about finally mopping instead of just sweeping.

Not even 30 minutes later, Emma spots ants all over the floor I had just mopped, Grant chucks his cracker bowl full of crackers onto the floor, and I'm feeling irritated because I just mopped. Why are ants crawling on my CLEAN floor, but weren't on my DIRTY floor?

Then at snack time, Grant spills yogurt all.over.the.floor. And I had to leave the room to take a few deep breaths. Normally, no big deal, I'd just wipe it up. But I had just mopped! I wanted the floor to be slightly clean for at least 12 hours.

See, this is why I hate mopping. Give me a broom any day.

This thing called Mom

I logged in to write a post about our ant takeover, and to share my unscientific results that lead me to conclude that ants are nocturnal. As fascinating as that topic would be to everyone, I just can't get a conversation I had earlier today out of my head.

First, some background. I'm currently saturated in Mommy things. Along with being a stay at home mom (or a work at home mom when I'm doing Arbonne things), I'm on the team that is getting the MOPS group started at our church, I volunteer almost weekly in the church nursery, and I coordinate the volunteer schedule for the nursery at church. Add to all of that the moms I meet at the park (today it was a woman I went to junior high and high school with) and my friends who are moms, and it's an understatement to say that I'm surrounded by mommy.

And as good of friends as I am with several of the moms, and as much as I talk with other moms about teething or sleeping or rough days or whatever, we hardly ever talk about our hardest mommy moments. It made me start to wonder if I was the only one who wanted to run screaming from the house some days, or go back to work just to not have to clean a poopy bum one more time or to stay in bed all day and pretend I wasn't a mom. It made me wonder if I was mom material. Especially stay at home mom material.

Then I started reading the book that goes along with the MOPS curriculum, The Mommy Diaries. The moms who write the "diary" entries are like me - they sometimes feel like they are drowning in the mommyness, they sometimes long to be alone, they sometimes are overcome with frustration, with anger, with sadness at the loss of their before mom life, they wouldn't trade their kids for anything in the world. They are honest about their shortcomings, about their growing pains, about the adjustment to being a mom. They were saying things that I hadn't heard people say to me before. I started to have faith that I wasn't the only one.

Today's conversation that has left such an impression on me was with a mom that has three girls, with a fourth on the way. She has creative ideas for her kids, she is nurturing, uses a calm voice all the time, her children are calm and complaint. Basically, she has it all together. I watched her kids at a local park this morning while she had a doctor's visit, and when she came back to pick the kids up we found ourselves chatting about the adjustment we went through when our first kids were born.

She said to me "I still worry that I haven't bonded well with her because I had such a hard time and I needed so much help. I sometimes feel like she bonded so much more with her dad as a newborn."

I was floored. Her honesty was so refreshing, and it was so awesome to hear a mom share such doubts. Such normal, human, motherly doubts.

Because really, as moms, we are so so so hard on ourselves and how we are mothering. We exhaust ourselves to ensure our children get the very best experiences, the very best this and the very best that. We lose our selves in the mix, we doubt ourselves, we beat ourselves up. All in the name of doing the best by our kids.

My conversation with her, combined with my reading in The Mommy Diaries has made me realize I am not alone in my feelings, my doubts, my guilt. I vowed to myself on the drive home from the park this morning that I'm going to start being more honest about this thing called mom. I'm going to reach out to my fellow mommys, lean on them and provide them with a place to lean. We're raising the next generation here people, and we're going to be better moms if we turn to each other for love, support, and a great big hug in times of stress and doubt.

Hug on mamas, hug on.

Not as mute as we thought

The speech therapist who did Grant's assessment called last night to go over his results. Good news is he's making progress and doesn't qualify for services yet. Bad news is he has some red flags so she wants me to call her back in 3 months if I still have concerns.

His receptive language was off the charts, but I already knew that. I mean the boy can follow 2 step directions with ease. And he totally blew her away with all of his signs and how well he uses them. She agreed the noises he was making were weird, and he's dropping the last letters of most words. Her biggest red flag was that he doesn't babble in strings (or really at all) while he's playing, and while he'll imitate silly noises, he doesn't really imitate words. And he's got the whole sensory thing where he licks everything and chews fuzz and won't put certain foods past his lips. If he was a pregnant girl I'd say he had PICA. I've been brushing his lips when I brush his teeth, and he's tolerating that more. He's responding to deep pressure on his shoulders too when his body starts to get out of control.

So we'll keep doing what we're doing and see where we are in 3 months. She's sending some developmental milestones so I have something to compare his abilities with in the next months.

For those of you who knew I was going to be secret squirrel about my former job, I ended up fessing up that I was an ECSE. It actually helped, because then we could "talk shop", and she took my sensory concerns more seriously.

She did tell me to get rid of his paci, but that's not going to happen any time soon. He only uses it to sleep, and I figure he doesn't need to be speaking while he's sleeping!

I hope I don't forget.....

-the little "woooooo" that comes from Grant when a live song comes on the radio
-Emma's sheer delight at making a "silly" face for the camera
-Grant's 'beow' for the word cat
-the way Emma studies and corrects to get just right the angle when taking a picture with my ancient cell phone camera
-Grant's down dog yoga pose when he thinks he's doing a somersault
-Emma's beam routine when she felt like Nastia, and her gymnastics teacher's reaction at her incorporating several beam elements into the routine
-Grant's "whew" when he's taken a long drink of water
-how Emma nibbles chocolate chip cookies to make them last as long as possible, savoring each little nibble

Good bye Strawberry Shortcake

Alas, despite my best and repeated attempts, Emma will not be having a Strawberry Shortcake birthday this year. Despite the fact that she loves Strawberry Shortcake, and despite the fact that I bought Strawberry Shortcake party favors from the Target $ spot months ago, Tinkerbell invitations will be going out in the mail.

I had to weigh the $5 I spent on party favors against an hysterical fit in the aisles of Target today, and the loss of $5 won out. Although I'm still thinking about handing out Strawberry Shortcake favors anyway. Mainly because I hate the whole concept of party favors. But that's a blog for a different day.

Newest love

Gillette Venus Embrace razor - best shave ever. Seriously, ever.

The Hallway

The hallway light was on the other night as I walked from the living room to my bedroom. The light is rarely on, so it offered a new perspective and made me realize that the hallway has played quite a role in our family's lives.

The first night Emma was home the hallway light was on most of the night. I fumbled hopelessly in the "dark" of her room trying to get her, nurse her, then get her back to sleep without slamming my numb stomach against her cradle. Hour after hour I walked down that hallway to feed her or put her back to sleep, the bright light making me squint, my sleepiness causing me to forget to turn the light back off. The glare of the light reminded Hubs and I that our life would never be as it was before Emma was born.

Both kids took their first steps down the well lit hallway. It provided a long soft place to walk from one parent to the other, or in Grant's case, from one parent to a sister. It was an exciting time, my heart bursting with pride that each child had tackled such a major accomplishment.

Nowadays, the hallway has several uses. It's perfect for working on somersaults, although Grant tends to crash into the walls more than he rolls down the hallway. It also provides a nice place for a rousing game of chase, and Emma often uses it to gain some speed before she completes her Olympic vault in our room. Recently, it has become the time out spot for Emma because she HATES to sit alone, and her room was too much fun for a time out.

Friday, Emma and I got married over and over and over in the hallway. She put on her "marrying dress", we held hands, and marched down the hallway as I sang the bridal march song. Then we got to the end, promised to love each other forever, kissed cheeks, and declared ourselves married. Grant clapped and said "Wooooo" to celebrate our ceremony.

In an instant

The kids and I went to the State Fair yesterday with my mom. It was awesome. We saw llamas, and sheep, and longhorns. We saw baby pigs and tractor races and rode the monorail. We ate corn dogs and ice cream and drank lemonade. It was fun to see the kids react to the animals, and to riding the monorail and seeing the Fair from up above. It was fun to watch them slurp down the lemonade and ice cream. It was a fun day full of firsts for the kids.

The biggest first was the little kid rides. I bought tickets for Emma to ride the rides, and she was in heaven running around trying to decide what to ride. I was slightly apprehensive how she was going to do on them since she had never been on anything like it before. My plan was to ride along with her while my mom hung with Grant, but she insisted on her first ride being one I couldn't ride on.

"I'm fine riding by myself Mom" she says to me as she walks away to get in line. I hurry after her to hand the guy her ticket, and then watch as she marches off to pick her helicopter. I follow her from the outside of the gate, wondering if I should have gone with her to help her up, get her buckled in. She waits patiently for the guy to get to her, accepts his help getting into the helicopter and being buckled in. She scoots over so she's in front of the steering wheel, squeals in delight at the anticipation of the ride starting, and then waves at me and yells "HI MOM!". I wave back, snap a few pictures, and wave some more. The ride lurches as it starts, and I panic because she usually panics at unexpected things like that. I'm starting to offer reassuring words and trying to decide if it's okay to ask the guy to stop the ride to get her off when she squeals with delight again, and waves as her helicopter lifts up and the ride starts to turn. As she moves out of sight, I hear "Wheeeeeeeeee" and see her little hand poke out the window and wave to me.

And in an instant she grows up. Suddenly I see her for who she is becoming, no longer a little toddler, but instead a grown up Pre-Kindergartner. As the ride comes back around, and she's beaming with joy and waving to me, I see how tall she's become. How thin she is getting, how her plump little face is thinning. She comes around again, same beaming smile and enthusiastic wave, and I see how mature she is starting to look, and I get a glimpse at the emotions I'll be feeling when we drop her off at Kindergarten in one short year. When did she grow up?

The ride comes to an end, she clamors out and meets me at the exit gate, already talking about the next ride she wants to go on. She decides on the pink elephant ride, another one that goes up and down. "You ride with me mom" she says as she reaches for my hand.

I smile, and realize she's still my little girl for now.

Blech

Remember this pudding post? Well we made the lemon pudding this morning, and I tasted a little bit after I poured them in the bowl.

It taste like lemon air freshener.

My Buying a House PSA

PSA stands for Public Service Announcement, by the way.

Don't buy a house from a general contractor. If you find out that ANY of the previous owners was a general contractor, run far far away from that house. Far far far away.

We knew that the owner before the previous owner was a general contractor. We knew he was the one that did the addition on the house, who put in the "pool", who re-did the kitchen.

Now we know that he used faulty wiring in two of the ceiling fans and one of the wall light units. We know he didn't put a big enough pump onto the "pool" and dug the hole weird so the vacuum doesn't work right. We now know that he used interior paint on the exterior of the house, that he didn't hook the hot water heater up correctly, and that he used an off brand, no longer made garage door.

Most recently, as in today, we found out that he didn't properly seal the toilet to the floor so it's been leaking under the floor. Now luckily he also grouted all around the toilet so the water didn't get under the tile, that could have been a huge expensive mess.

Instead, our toilet backed up on Saturday. And then again yesterday. Only yesterday no amount of plunging by me or Hubs could get it to flush all the way. A plumber came out today and snaked it, both him and I fully expecting to find some toy Grant had flushed. It didn't do any good, but he did pull up some roots. Roots indicated he needed to remove the toilet. When he did that, there were roots all over the wax seal (which is what attaches the toilet to the floor) and a few dangling over the edge. He starts pulling them up, and pulling, and pulling, and pulling, until he's pulled up a "rope" of roots that is taller than him and probably 5 inches in diameter, with poop and toilet paper mixed in. Obviously the roots have been growing for a while, which indicates the toilet has been leaking for a while. Like since the guy improperly sealed it, 8 or so years ago.

He later confided that he has never in his career seen so many roots in one drain. The painter said the same thing about interior paint on the exterior. The electrician said the same thing about the ceiling fans. The pool repair guy said the same thing about the pool pump. The garage door guy said the same thing about the off brand garage door. And the house inspector said the same thing about the hot water heater hook up.

We need to move. We can't afford this previous general contractor any more.

Gymnastics fever

Emma is on fire with gymnastics over here. She wore her white leotard to gymnastics today, and as she wriggled into it she exclaimed "I look like Nastia Lukin!" Then when we arrived she skipped right up to her teacher to tell her the same thing. They chatted about a few of the other gymnastics stars, including Shawn and Chung Fey from China. Emma told her teacher that balance beam was her favorite "appawatus". With her teacher chuckling, they all headed out onto the floor while I hustled Grant off to his class.

A while later, I look up to see Emma, across the gym, doing a little balance beam routine on the beam that is on the floor. Apparently they were just suppose to walk across it, but Emma decided to add a few jumps, a spin, and some sort of donkey kick, then a fancy jump off the end as her dismount. As I watched (and Grant ran away, but that's a different post), she did this over and over.

At the end of the class, she ran over to where I was getting my shoes on and asked me to watch her beam routine. This time though, she put her hands down on the beam and jumped her feet off the side as her dismount, then threw her arms up in the air for her finish.

Here we come Team USA!

Melissa Math

One pear with breakfast + one peach with lunch = lots of diaper changes for Grant

All I need is a stamp

Dear Guy who invented the car shopping cart,
Do you have young children? Or maybe I should ask, do you do your grocery shopping with young children? Yeah, I didn't think so. See, I thought the car shaped shopping cart was a cool idea too when I didn't have kids. I thought it was a great idea when I had one kid and was 8 months pregnant in the summer. I even thought it was a great idea when I had one in a sling and one in the shopping cart.

Now, not so much. My kids are pretty squished in there now, so you might be able to imagine that it leads to hair pulling, elbowing, squeaking the other one's horn, and the end result is always screaming, crying, and general chaos.

When I then forbid use of the car cart, I have to spend the whole shopping trip listening to double whining, double tears, constant pleading, begging, and promises of good behavior.

So, Mr. Car cart inventor, my grocery trips are a total nightmare right now and I hold you responsible for that.

**************************************

Dear Pudding Flavor Decider,
Pistachio? Seriously? Who wants to eat pistachio flavored pudding? Except my almost 4 year old. See, she loves pistachios, and thinks the "pretty green one" would taste great. But I can think of nothing grosser, so every time we select pudding, I have to steer away from the pistachio flavor which is shelved at her eye level, divert her eyes from the pretty green, and talk her into something else. Today is was lemon, which I'm not really looking forward to, but since my alternative was pistachio, I'm pretty thrilled.

Who says white men can't jump?

Cause Grant is proving them wrong. He got air today! He's been "jumping" for a while now, only those darn feet just wouldn't come up off the ground. Well today he was totally messing around and being silly and his feet got off the ground. And then again. And again. And again. And...well you get the point.

He's also totally in love with all things Elmo, even though he doesn't sit still long enough to get to Elmo's World on Sesame Street. He's taken Emma's Elmo and it lives in his crib. I left him in his crib at bedtime with Elmo tightly in his clutches.

Chicken Hands

The rest of us called them chicken fingers, Emma calls them chicken hands. Anyway, this recipe has become my favorite. The kids love them dipped in ranch, and it's easy to make (messy, but easy). Let's give a shout out to Rachel Ray for this one!

Trying to take a deep breath

I'm watching the Olympics, and every time they show any outdoor shots my asthma flairs up in sympathy for the athletes who have to compete in that gross gross gross air. Downright gross.

Thank goodness the swimmers are competing inside. That includes the synchronized swimmers too, right? By the way, you can catch them Wed. Aug. 19 on the Oxygen channel, or the medal swims are Aug. 23 on NBC. You're welcome for keeping you up to date on the synchro. I'll be sure to remind you as we get closer.

New favorite website

Special thanks to Kelly for turning me onto this one.

http://www.notimeforflashcards.com

Today after naps we are doing THIS one.

Princess Updates

Remember this one?

We've got more things to add - 7 more pairs of princess underwear. This time each princess is in her "enchanted evening" formal wear. Emma spotted them on the underwear rack from the parking lot. We were actually shopping for new underwear for her, although I hadn't planned on a seven pack. Or more princesses.

And how about this one?

Those too have gone through some changes. Now Emma and I alternate doing ice shows and announcing. So first Emma skates and I announce, and then Emma clamors up onto the stool and she announces while I skate, holding my Prince Grant. Grant likes to get in on the action while Emma is skating now by going to get his own pair of princess shoes and standing in the corner (licking the wall, thank goodness it's paint I put up so I know it's lead free) until I announce him. Then he takes a few stumbly steps in his princess shoes, waves his arms around in the air, falls off the shoes, and goes to find a different toy.

Good times around here in Princessland.

Scritch scratch

That's a stye scratching against my eyeball.

Not annoying at all.

Sorority Gifts

My quarterly sorority magazine came in the mail yesterday. I try and wait to read through it until I know I have some time to thumb through the pages uninterrupted. I love to see the pictures of the members on the cover, I love to see names I recognize from college, either in the alum section or women who mentored us and are now leaders.

But most of all I love to see the pictures of the excited new members. Their young college faces, their energy radiating out of the picture, their total bliss at being a new member. It takes me straight back to college and my excitement at being a new member. I remember that day so vividly - from the nervousness in hearing if I would be extended a bid, to the joy at running into the house with the other new members, to the tight squeezes from the members as we were greeted, to sharing my news with my parents that night. College memories and sorority memories are intertwined since I pledged the first week of my college experience, and then went on to live in the house for three years.

But I love to see the pictures of the new members for a different reason too. I love to think about all the awesome things I gained from being a member of the sorority. Sure I gained leadership skills and trainings, I experienced things I never would have experienced, I had an awesome college experience in large part because of the sorority, I met strong women who were incredible examples to this impressionable young woman. Most of all, I gained life long friends. Friends who came into my life randomly but stayed in my life through the sorority. Friends who stood with me on my graduation day, on my wedding day, who traveled the state to throw my baby shower, and checked in on me through Granny's diagnosis and decline. My local friends fill my friendship bank account on a daily basis, my sorority friends have stood the test of time and distance and have made a long term deposit into that account.

So each year, I fill out a check to the sorority to stay current on my alum dues, with a little extra to go toward sisterhood programs. And as I lick the envelope and put on the stamp, I can't help but think that there is no way to measured all I've gained with a monetary amount. Then I pick up the phone and call those girls - one who ran into the sorority house with me on bid day the first week of our freshman year, the other who was randomly assigned as my freshman dorm roommate but turned into a lifelong friend and sorority sister.

Bliss in a catalog

The Ikea catalog came in the newspaper the other day. It's such a wonderful yearly surprise. My eyes actually lit up when Hubs handed it to me.

See the thing about Ikea is that I love the bold colors and patterns. I love the zany shapes of the lamps and chairs. I love the crazy designs and offbeat accessories. I love it all. Hubs....not so much. He loves order and solids and regular predictable shapes and accessories. It's a fight we have each and every time we shop for furniture. I want the bright red couch with the wave shaped backrest. Hubs wants the dark brown three seat rectangle sofa. I want a fun patterned with bright colors rug. Hubs wants a solid color rug in a neutral color. I want a funky lamp. Hubs wants a regular lamp. Get the picture yet? If you've seen our house you know who wins every time.

Not me.

Nevertheless I've got pages folded over, things we absolutely can't live without. I'm even plotting a trip to the local Ikea store. Anyone up for a trip?

New name?

I think I need to change the name of my blog.

Grant appears to have defected.

Two Reds, a Blonde & a Brown just doesn't have the same witty ring, does it?

One drip in the bowl

It was on this day in 1998 that I stood in front of two huge glass doors, my father at my side, my friends surrounding me. I stood in front of those glass doors, listening to the music coming from the other side, seeing the familiar faces, pondering this momentous thing that was about to happen.

I took a deep breath, smoothed my dress, grabbed my dad's arm, and took a step forward. I searched the sea of faces for one in particular. When I found it I could hardly see him through the tears that were filling up my eyes. I made the seemingly endless walk to him, let go of my dad's arm, grabbed his, and stepped forward, into a new life.

It was on this day in 1998 that I stood in front of our friends and family, my hand grasping soon to be Hub's hand tightly, and giggled my way through my wedding vows.

After all the ceremony and celebrating was over, we drove to our honeymoon location, laughing with the shock of finally being married. At being only 22 and married. At wearing wedding rings. At finally living in the same town. At being married!

And today, 10 years later, we look at each other with the shock of being married TEN years. So little has changed, and yet so much has changed. We're still each other's best audience. We're still each other's best friends, biggest cheerleader, and closest confidant. Only now we've added two kids into the mix. We've lost a dog and welcomed a cat. We own a home. We've bought furniture. We've embarked into our careers, and one of us (me) has changed careers.

So while 10 years seems so long ago in some respects, from other angles it was been so short. When I look forward into our future, 10 years is but a drip into the bowl that is our marriage, slowly filling up, one 10 year drip at a time.

(It is impossible for me to think about our wedding day without thinking about Granny and the beautiful wedding dress she lovingly sewed for me. She spent the summer gingerly piecing it together, lovingly, painstakingly sewing it to perfection. I know she is beaming at Hubs and I from Heaven, cheering us on for another 10 years and another 10 years after that!)

Forgot to add

I'm also thankful that I'm not Bill's mom, who left swim lessons early yesterday, carrying Bill (who is 6) while he thrashed around and yelled "THIS IS NOT MY MOM! THIS IS NOT MY MOM!".

I think we're all glad we aren't Bill's mom, aren't we?

Square footage

Today I'm glad my house is smaller because then when the alarm unit in the kitchen yells "beep beep beep MASTER BEDROOM" I can sprint to my room and pluck Grant from outside in no time flat.

Conversations with Emma

Me, as we are stirring up pudding mix: So, don't forget you need to eat a good dinner without complaining if you want pudding for dessert.
Emma: What's for dinner?
Me: We're having salmon. Dad's grilling it. And couscous and salad. Yummy!
Emma: Salmon? Whats that?
Me: It's a pretty pink fish, you'll love it.
Emma: FISH?
Me: A pink one. You've had it before, you loved it.
Emma, with a dramatic wave of her hand: I'm NOT eating fish. It will fin me and I.do.not want to be finned.

One of those mornings

It was one of those mornings that I wanted to bottle up and save forever. I feel like this picture sums it all up - the sun is shining, the window is open, the dress up drawer is spilling over (and behind me Emma is dressed up like a fairy chef), and the doll house pieces are everywhere from Grant happily playing while I made a phone call uninterrupted. Bliss.

Ice Shows

Aprilish Emma and I went to see the ice show "Disney Princesses on Ice" with some friends. It was Emma's first show of any sort, and she was mesmerized. With rapt attention, she soaked in the wonder and beauty and music that is a Princess ice show. She loved the sparkly costumes, the makeup, the music, the ice skating. She talked about it for day and days and days and days. Before the ice show, she had only known the Princess names from her underwear and her dress up shoes. But after the show, she knew what they looked like for real, and what their clothes looked like, and what prince they skated with. She was in love.

Now you have to be careful when you walk through the living room lest you slip on the ice. Ice? Right, we have daily ice shows right in our living room. Emma announces we'll be having an ice show and gets the stool from the bathroom. She selects which Princess she's going to be by putting on the corresponding Princess dress up shoes. She stands in the corner, "offstage", and instructs either Hubs or I to announce. We must then step onto the stool, hold our hand to our mouth like a microphone, use our deep announcer voice, and say something along the lines of "Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, tonight for your pleasure we have an ice show featuring all of the princesses. Jasmine, Cinderella, Ariel, Belle, Snow White, and Tinkerbell (yes I know Tinkerbell isn't a Princess, but she was at the ice show). And now, ladies and gentlemen, here comes Sleeping Beauty (or whatever Princess she is)." Then we all applaud.

Emma dances around on the ice, moving her body in all sorts of hilarious ways, sometimes with legs in the air, sometimes with arms in the air. If Grant wanders onto the ice she dances with a Prince. Occasionally she wants Hubs to be "that scary dragon" that she saw the Prince fight to get to Sleeping Beauty at the ice show. She prefers for us to clap throughout and say things like "We love you Sleeping Beauty" in which she'll respond with a smile and a wave in our direction. When the ice show is done, she'll strike a final pose and say "That's the grand finale" and we are to applaud enthusiastically.

Then she'll "skate" off the ice, change her shoes, and the whole thing starts again with a different Princess. For hours if we'd let it.

It's precious.