I got these at Target today. They were 30% off and I haven't bought any shoes in forever and they are super cute so I think it was justified, right?
If I was rich, I would have gotten these blue ones too. They were on clearance also!
And let's be real, I would have gotten the tan ones too.
It seems like I'm surrounded by grieving people right now - my own family missing Granny , my friends who have lost a child or a pregnancy, friends who have lost jobs, or moved across the country.
Anyway, I'm bringing this up because a few weeks ago Emma's preschool teacher from last year stopped me and handed me a book. She told me that she had gotten this great book on grief and she had thought of me after she had read it. Now this woman was rock solid for me and for Emma when Granny died. She gave me advice on talking with Emma, loaned me books to read to Emma, she empathized with the situations since her mom had died just a few years ago and she had helped her children and grandchildren through it. Because of all of this, she has quite a special place in my hear. So she hands me the book "Tear Soup" and asks me to return it in a few days. She promises it will be wonderful, that I'll cry, but I won't be sad.
It was awesome. Hubs was gone one evening so I made some tea and had a date with the book. She was right, I cried but I wasn't sad. The book tells all about a woman who has suffered a loss in her life so she gets to work making herself some Tear Soup. She works at flavoring it just right, and then eats bowl after bowl until she fills filled up. Then she can turn to her friends and share her tear soup. It was a simple quick read, but it gave permission to grieve and to grieve for a long time. It gave permission to grieve differently than your husband or family. It gave permission to hold off friends, and then lean heavily on them. Or to lean on them from the beginning. In the back it has all sorts of resources if it is a child grieving, or if you are grieving the loss of a child, or a stillborn child, or a pregnancy. Resources for if you are grieving a suicide, or if the person you are grieving died in a violent crime.
I gave it back to her that next week, and it was so wonderful for her and I to relate to how we have moments of grief in unexpected places and times even though it has been years or months since our loss. For her it comes when she sees a reflection of her mom in her grandchildren. Or at the holidays. For me it comes when we sing a certain praise song in church, or when I open Granny's bible to the verse the sermon is on and realize it is the one I read to her the night she died. Even a funeral procession has me pulling over out of respect and because my eyes are filling with tears.
Tear Soup is never actually completed. There just reaches a time where you have it well seasoned and on a low simmer. When you just need a quick spoonful of it instead of heaping bowl after heaping bowl.
If you are grieving anything, get the book, make some special alone time for yourself, and read it.
I've had several things going on with the kids this week that I've wanted to blog about, mainly so I could remember them, especially since I've failed completely at filling out their baby books.
Emma is READING. Seriously, read.ing. I find myself breaking out into a smile every time it happens because I'm just so amazed and so proud of her all at the same time. Her reading is like my being pregnant - I didn't really do anything except read to her a lot and answer her questions, and poof! she starts reading. Same way I feel like as when I was pregnant - I just drank a bunch of water and ate some food and poof! this perfect little baby arrived. Incredible. I'm in such astonishment because I've had a hard time figuring out whether she had things memorized or whether she was reading. She read a few store front signs on the way to school Monday, but we drive down the same stinkin road 5 days a week to get to school/ church so I couldn't tell if it was reading or memorizing. And she busted out with the first line of The Cat in the Hat comes back the other day, and while it had been ages since we'd read that book, her memory is freakishly good. But then Monday night at dinner we opened the Conversation Starters jar I had made at MOPS and the girlfriend read her card - How will you know when you are grown-up? She needed help with 'know' and 'grown'. I just sat there beaming at her. It was awesome. She is awesome.
Grant is talking! Lately he's been saying wa-0 for water instead of signing it. He's calling people by name - nin-ney (Sydney, a high school girl who works in the nursery), Mon-ny (Maddy), Icah (Micah, a friend from church). Yesterday he kept saying "oh no" over and over and over and over after he heard Emma say it. Yesterday he told Hubs "ub ew" (love you) when he left for work. Today he touched my new shirt and said "oft" (soft). His little voice is so precious.
I had this brilliant idea to get some exercise walking around the neighborhood and give Emma some time on her big girl bike all at the same time. My reasoning was that I'd be able to walk at a good pace because her bike is so much bigger she should be able to go faster. I didn't factor in her newness on the bike and our bumpy street. We hit a rough patch going down the driveway curb at a snail's pace which led to her almost falling off her bike and Grant in the stroller 4 wheelin it onto the grass to keep him out of traffic. Once we got that worked out, we took off at a pretty good pace. Emma was smiling, having fun, lavishing in the glory of her big girl bike, I was basking in my brillance of getting a walk in and Emma getting to ride her bike. Then we came to the corner, and all went awry. She bailed going around the corner, the bike fell on her foot, hysterical screaming and crying ensued. Grant sat quietly in his stroller, looking around at the birds. Thank goodness for that calm child. I convinced her to get back on, she finally did, took a few pedals, hit a rough spot, freaked, started to fall again, I grabbed the bike with one hand, shot the stroller onto the grass with the other, heard her say "thanks for catching me mom", and then turned to see her splat off the bike while I still held onto it. Good times. Again I got her on the bike, with much convincing, and had her ride in the middle of the road, which was considerably smoother. We did great for the rest of the (slow) walk, until we were almost to our house and our neighbor called my name. Emma turned her head, thus turning her handle bars, and plowed right onto their yard, and, you guessed it, tumbled off. At least onto the grass this time. She walked the last few houses home.
Grant has this hilarious way of getting around now that he's started jumping with his feet off the ground. He sort of jumps skips his way around - down the hallway, through the school parking lot, into Emma's classroom, you know, wherever he's going. He does it holding my hand, he does it without holding my hand, it's his general form of transportation now.
While Emma is crying over nothing this afternoon.....
Emma: I'm crying because I'm thinking about my shark dream.
Hubs: Oh, was it a scary dream?
Emma: Yes, that's why I'm crying twice.
Hubs: Was it like the shark chasing Ariel in The Little Mermaid?
Emma: Yes, it was.
Hubs: You realize that the shark in the movie wasn't real? That it can't really get you? That's all pretend.
Emma: Why is real Ariel in a pretend story then?
It's the thing that every parent dreads. They know it is coming, they know it can't be avoided, they know every kid does it, but that doesn't make it any easier. They read about it in the baby books, hear about it from their friends, they anticipate it and when it will rear it's ugly head in their child's life.
As it gets closer and closer every parent starts to wonder how long it will stay around, will it be forceful or timid at first? Will I know it happened or will I just wonder if that's what just occurred? Will I laugh or frown when it happens? It might even be worse with the second child because they have already lived through it once before and know the force it has.
It's a small thing, but it can bring huge drama, huge frustration, creative bargaining you never knew you had in you. It can bring you to your knees in the middle of Target, this small but powerful thing.
What is it?
"No". Uttered appropriately and as clear as day.
This is what I woke up to this morning:
Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collections complete?
Looking around here you think sure she's got everything.
I've got gadgets and gizmos a plenty, I've got whosits and whatsits galore,
You want thingamabobs? I got 20.
But who caaaaaaaaares, no big deeeeeeeeeal,
I want MORE!
I want to be where the people are, I want to see, want to see them dancing,
strolling along down those, what'sthatwordagain? STREEEEEEET
Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they play all day in the suuuuuun.
Wondering free, wish I could be, part of that woooooooooorld.
Flippin your fin you don't too far, legs are required for jumping dancing,
Walking around on those, what'sthatwordagain? FEEEEEET
Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they play all day in the suuuuuun.
Wondering free, wish I could be, part of that woooooooooorld.
